The flames are magic
Her eyes won't pull away
She's been called names before
Pyro hooked with maniac
Her eyes won't pull away
She loves that word
Pyro hooked with maniac
Like after she lit the matches and burned it all
She loves that word
It quietly slips from the tongue
Like after she lit the matches and burned it all
They quietly slipped her away
It quietly slips from the tongue
Pyro, their word for her
They quietly slipped her away
After they found the packs of matches in her room
Pyro, their word for her
That's why she lit her last match
After they found the packs of matches in her room
She saved one
That's why she lit her last match
To see it burn
She saved one
Just to see it burn
To see it burn
She's been called names before
Just to see it burn
The flames are magic
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,597 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
Certainly an interesting poem, no doubt about that. It flowed rather well as all good poems should.
A note on the repatition though; at first it was ok but after a while it got rather boring and I'm sorry to say this but I was hoping for it to end, something I've never done with any poem.
Aside from that, congratulations
Hello, CK Lynn! I love, love, love Pantoums and fire, so, thank you!
. Wonderful structure and fluency, though it can be off at some times;
First off, I just want to say congrats on making this pantoum more than three stanzas... I've never been able to do that
That long sentence sort- of sticks out from the rest. I know it would be a whole lot of work for you to change that, but I would still consider making it shorter. Perhaps, deleting the 'Like' at the beginning of the line. Maybe even delete the' like after'. It might be crazy enough to work!
I would also consider changing the last line in this, just tweak it to make it a little shorter. How about changing it to something like this;
"After they found her packs of matches"
See? Much shorter and smoother!
That line doesn't seem to fit in either of the stanzas you put them in... could a new line possibly be born?
Encore, encore! Bravo. I loved this pantoum! I think it was wonderful; it had meaning, purpose, and, most of all, good fluency, though, like I said, it could be off just a tad bit at times. I hope this helped and I hope you keep on with poetry; you have very good inspirations to put in them, it seems.
Hey CK Lynn!
Here’s your review, as requested
Overall, I liked the poem; you stuck to the form very well and in several places the repetition was quite effective. It struck me as deliciously creepy XD
I would have liked to see some punctuation in there, just to give it some extra punch. At the moment, it reads kind of flatly because there’s no direction – in poetry, punctuation can be an indicator of emphasis and pauses which change the rhythm and give the poem an extra layer of meaning. Because the language you use is fairly simple, and restricted to an extent by the formal requirements, you should probably take advantage of everything you can to convey the images you’re describing and give the poem some pizzazz.
Like chasingcolts, I also noticed that there wasn’t much in the way of metaphors or similes; you might want to work on that a little next time. This is a very descriptive poem, and while that seems to work fairly well in this context, the general aim of poetry (in my mind, anyway) is to get the reader to experience whatever you’re trying to convey. That means appealing to all of their senses, not just sight, so that they really get an idea of what it’s like to be – in this case – a pyromaniac. Kind of like the difference between showing and telling in prose, you know? Anyway, I figure this poem could use a bit of depth in that sense.
Otherwise, I think this was a very interesting poem. I like the way you built the atmosphere, particularly in the last two stanzas, for some reason – I think it was the “the flames are magic” ending and the way it still made sense, even though it had been pulled from the first verse. Very cool. Kudos on pulling off what looks like a very tricky form to get right!
Cheers,
~bubbles
The repitition is because this is a pantoum, which is a form of poetry using a four-line verse. The first and third line of every verse is the second and fourth of the one before it. And the last verse uses the same form but the second and fourth lines are the third and first lines (respectively) of the first verse.
Nice poem. I liked it. But all it seemed to me was a repetition of the same words, in a bizarre, not pattern, order.
Also, I noticed only one metaphor, and no similes. Make use of them! And puntcuation. Flow is killed without punctuation. Otherwise, there's not much else. Good job.
-Colt